I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
