I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
