I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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