What tipped you off? The sombrero?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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