Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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