just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
