She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
