bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
