You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
