Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
