Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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