he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
