So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
