I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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