Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
