Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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