oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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