i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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