Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
