and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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