Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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