Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
