I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
