I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
