apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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