whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
