Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
