I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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