if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
