I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
