I could have mohawked her pubes.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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