life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
