I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
