rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
