i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
