In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
