Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
