Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize