I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
