I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
