Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
