Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
