I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
