3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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