you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
