Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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