I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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