Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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