Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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