I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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