It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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