Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
