what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
