So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I love you.
Bad choice
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