she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
