i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
