I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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