i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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