So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
