babies were throwing up all over the place
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
