she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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