How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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