Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
