so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
