i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
