Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
