i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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